This past year I have been thinking about and trying to work with Surrender quite a bit.
Surrender is listed in the dictionary as "the act of stopping fighting and officially admitting defeat" and I originally associated it with war and an external enemy. To me, surrender was throwing your hands in the air and giving up the fight. It was what you did when you knew you couldn't win - it seemed weak and a last resort.

Surrender can be looked at on an internal level too "if you surrender to an experience or an emotion, you stop trying to prevent or control it". Again, surrender seemed to be a passive course of action - to stop trying and give in. It sounded like it was an easy option - and yet it is not - it actually quite the opposite!

In April of this year my Mum was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer - it was a massive shock. My first reaction was to use Reiki to help - I found myself hoping for healing which was also fully curative. I also started to use all of my will and power to push for the best treatment for her. I directed a lot of my energy trying to prevent delays and manage her journey through the NHS. All of this was natural and necessary, but I noticed whilst I was busy doing this I wasn't really accepting the situation or my emotions. I wasn't really present.

So I started trying to surrender - to accept the reality that despite my best efforts my hopes for mum's situation might not come to pass. I believe that our essence never dies it merely transforms to another state - yet despite this belief, the thought of the physical loss of mum was still so very painful. So I tried to be more present, I threw my hands up and opened my heart wide. And it was difficult and it hurt, but I noticed that things started to flow much better when I stopped fighting so much. I learned that surrender is actually acceptance.

Surrender didn't come easy though - it took a lot of work to let go and try to relinquish control, and I'm still working at it! I continued to practice Reiki with mum daily but bit by bit with less of a focus on achieving a positive outcome and more on just working towards her highest good - whatever that may be. I started to experience how much strength and courage is required to surrender to not knowing. I learned that surrender is also trust.

It is trusting that everything which is happening is for all of our eventual highest good - even though it can be difficult to see it or feel it at that exact moment in time. For me, it meant becoming more present (using Reiki & meditation) and connecting to my essence - that deeper part of us which is beyond the human mind/will. In doing so, I cleared space and allowed some of the most brilliantly creative solutions to occur. It really is amazing what can happen when you surrender and start swimming with the current of the Universe instead of against it!

Sending you much love
Justine xx

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